Sail to me, sail to me, sail to me...

ahh, the simple life.

2009-10-13T10:14:33Z

Yesterday was my birthday.
I sat with my friend Ami at her work from 11pm Oct.11th, until 4am Oct.12th haha
After that I went to walmart and bought myself somw sweat pants, a baggy t, and a jacket, and a few other things. Came home, watched tv and bullshitted around until about 10am, then I laid down and Ray called, so I talked to him for 20 minutes then passed out until 11pm. WHOOPS! So I watched Year One, and Transformers 2 after I woke up, and I'm figuring I should just stay awake until after I go to my appointment at 11:15am (it is now 3:10am), and then I'm going to the moving company. After that, I'm coming home and going to bed. I wonder if Ray went to legal, just in case these papers don't work for the movers... beats me.

Man, I miss him. I'm bored. And now my house smells like cigarettes cause my kitchen window was open and the lady upstairs just weent out back and smoked. EWWWWW...

lonely days evolve into even lonlier nights..

2009-10-11T15:41:41Z

My husband is gone for deployment. Not even a full year after I get him back. Not only does it suck that he's gone for a year, minus the 2 weeks he gets to come home for rest & recooperation. Our son will be born by then, I can't believe it. Kaedyn Lee is due December 11th, 2009.. I know he won't stay in my belly that long though.

A lot has changed with Ray and I. Reading our old entries makes me feel like we aren't even the same people anymore. All we've done since we moved here is argue, drink, and stay away from each other. I mean, yeah, we've had our good times, too.. but something is wrong when the bad times outnumber the good ones.

I'm hoping this deployment, and the highly anticipated arrival of our son, will make us better. Who knows? I miss him so much though that I regret so many things I said to him. I know I'm learning from this.. but is he? Sucks not being able to really talk about things. I don't want to talk about how I feel to him because I don't want him or NEED him to start thinking about anything negative while he's over there.

*sigh*
I think I need sleep..
I've been staying up at night and sleeping all day. It's no wonder I don't get anything done. I'm pretty useless lately.

hubby will be home on monday!!!!

2008-11-20T21:06:37Z

& right now it's thursday! :D
i'm going to clean/pack all weekend, then monday i'm leaving at 9am to go to ft. walton to the mall with my best friend. then i'm going to his moms & getting ready & leaving at 8pm to be at the airport at 9:30 to get him!!!!!! :D

i can hardly stand the wait!!!
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

13 days as of tomorrow....

2008-11-12T00:47:38Z

then hubby will finally be back home with me.
I can't wait.
I'm about to die with anticipation over here.

WOOHOO!

It's been a while...

2008-10-23T21:21:27Z

We're down to a month until Ray is back home. I can't wait.

8 months of him being gone is way too long.
I can hardly stand the wait.
:)

I keep forgetting about this.

2008-08-04T21:48:10Z

Bleh....
we're down to 16 weeks before hubby comes home.
I can't wait.

Just over 100 days.
I start school back on August 18th, so this is going to fly by so quick!!

I can barely stand it!!!
Time to really put my head in the game & do this wedding planning!!!!
YAYYYYY!

I miss you.

2008-06-28T02:11:11Z

It gets harder & harder each night that you're away.
But I'm strong. I can do this.
We'll make it through.
:)

I don't really update this thing anymore.
Nor do I read friends' entries unless theres something major in there that catches my eye when I'm scanning.

SORRY GUYS!

UGH!

2008-06-19T09:03:19Z

you piss me off lately.
way to NEVER call me back when you say you will.

i was listening to "apology(acoustic)" just now.
really makes me fucking miss you.
and you're not calling me back.
this is the 3rd night in a row.

whatever.
i don't give a fuck.

ashykapowee @ 2008-06-17T11:34:00

2008-06-17T16:43:48Z

Well... my dog is gone. May she rest in peace & finally be happy. :( (will post pics later)

I really did pick a good man. He's always taking care of me.
I'd be a freaking train wreck without him, I'm NOT even kidding.
Thank you, sunshine<3

Yeah.. I don't feel good, I want to get my rings resized but no one will take me and we only have ONE vehicle, and I want to talk to Ray.

BLEHHH!
Summer sucks.

ashykapowee @ 2008-06-16T22:40:00

2008-06-17T03:41:31Z

are the root of all evil, and sickness.

Right now, I owe my mother about $200 for my phone bill.
I have to pay $15 to have my dog put down tomorrow.
I need to get more litter & food for my cat.
Rays bank fucked up & so now he's got to pay another bill.

UGHHH!

but i just talked to him..
i think we've got it worked out.
thank GOD.
i dont know what i'd do without him.<3

i dont feeeeeel goooooooood AT all.
i'm going to bedddd. :]

OK, pictures from fishing/deer trip

2008-06-10T04:28:22Z

^^^ I'm the one in the hat... talk about SUNBURNNNNNN!!!!!!

Thursday - Today

2008-06-09T16:43:49Z

Thursday: I went to school & took my final exam for astronomy. I completely bombed it with a 43, meaning I didn't get the credit I needed for that class. UGH! Oh well, I'll make it up next year cause I'll just go ahead & take a science class. After that, I went home & took a nap & talked to Ray pretty much all day. Nothing special. Oh, and I stayed at my best friends (pandaabear ) house for the night. :]

Friday : Ray called me at about 9:15 to wake me up so I could eat breakfast & shower before 11. Bri got up around 10. We had pancakes & then went & got ready. We left her house at 11ish and went to Target to get her some sunglasses. Then we headed out to Gulf Breeze. We went to publix to meet up with her aunt & then went to lunch at firehouse. I HAD THE BEST BLT EVER! For real! After that, it was off to the beach. We stayed out there a few hours (I've already given details about that trip though) and then hit up Diary Queen on the way back home. After that I went back to my house, showered & called Ray.

Saturday: My sister picked me up at about 9 & we went straight to the beach. We stayed out until about 3, then I drove an 87 Jimmy home. It was terrible, but HEY... I got to drive. :D After that we came home, showered & went to my brother-in-laws brothers house for a cook out. At about 9, they all left & I stayed with the kids & talked to Ray until I fell asleep at about 11.

Sunday: Woke up at about 9 and played with the kids. Then we ate breakfast & watched Evan Almighty. THEN.. whoo.. we decided to go on a spontaneous fishing trip. There were 13 of us crammed into 2 vehicles.. it wasn't too bad though. We fished for about 3 hours & then the man who owned the lakes asked us if we wanted to go on a ride to feed the deer. OF COURSE! Well, we go up this hill past his house & pull up to a gate. He has over 4000 DEER!!! 4000!!!!! And he's got buffalo, bulls, cows & antelope... oh & a donkey. THAT was pretty funny cause my little nephew-in-law or something who's only 4 goes, "HORSEY!!!" & the guy was like, "No, that's a JACKASS, Son." hahahahahaha Anyway.. we're on this trailor surrounded by all these animals cause he took us in the gate with them. When we pulled into the feeding shed & he's like, "Okay, everybody off. Go play with the buffalo & bulls!" I pet a bull. xD It was really exciting. He put the corn in the feeder & we loaded back up & drove around the land & all the animals were hearding toward the trailer & lining up to eat. IT WAS SOOO FREAKING AMAZING! I kid you not!!!!! I wish I could go back, but he doesn't really do that that often. After that, we all went home, showered, ate dinner, and then went to bed.

Today: I've been outside so much these past few days that I can't stand it anymore. I'm staying inside today. It's 11:40 right now & I'm at my sisters cause I stayed over here last night. I'm ready to go home so I can talk to my babu. I miss him like crazy!!!!! And.. I wanna see my kitty. Home soon, hopefully. :]

That was my exciting weekend. WHOOO HOOOO!

i love you, sunshine<3
i'll call you a.s.a.p.

ahhh what a day!! :]

2008-06-07T02:33:11Z

i went to the beach today.
got my arse kicked by some waves, saw a shark, got stung by jellyfish.

WELCOME TO FLORIDA! =]
it was amazing.

WHOO HOO!

2008-06-05T23:59:41Z

Today was the last day of school. I failed my exam though. HAHAHA! Oh well..

Staying with my best friend tonight & then beach tomorrow.
Beach again on Saturday, too!

YAHYAHYAHYAHYAH!

I CANT WAIT...

2008-06-05T04:45:21Z

i can't wait until you come home.
i can't wait to hold you in my arms again.
i can't wait to kiss those lips.
i can't wait to feel your touch.
i can't wait to stare into those beautiful eyes.
i can't wait to fall asleep with your arms wrapped around me.
i can't wait to meet your family, and for you to meet mine.
i can't wait to marry you.
i can't wait to move to washington & start my life with you.
i can't wait to have your babies.

and most of all...
i can't wait to spend forever with you<3

25 weeks.
171 days.
:]

<3

2008-06-05T00:11:38Z

Something in the way she moves,
Attracts me like no other lover.
Something in the way she woos me.
I don't want to leave her now,
You know I believe and how.

Somewhere in her smile she knows,
That I don't need no other lover.
Something in her style that shows me.
I don't want to leave her now,
You know I believe and how.

You're asking me will my love grow,
I don't know, I don't know.
You stick around now, it may show,
I don't know, I don't know.

Something in the way she knows,
And all I have to do is think of her.
Something in the things she shows me.
I don't want to leave her now.
You know I believe and how.

"you're just not good enough"

2008-06-03T19:27:05Z

anyone else ever get that look from their parent?

ugh! I was supposed to take 3 certification exams today for my web design class, meaning I would have had to take 4 tests TOTAL today for that class.. which would have been rough considering the teacher left early AND I didn't know the material. It sucked pretty bad.

But I came home and was showing my diploma to my mom for that class & she was like, "Where's your certifications?" and I calmly explained to her that I didn't know the material, or have the money for the tests & she just looked at me like she hated me.

It's not MY fault that there was no material to study, or that she forgot to give me the money for it. I didn't want them anyway because there's no sense in me having them except to put on my college applications because I DON'T want to be a web designer anymore. I used to LOVE the stuff, and now I just can't stand it.

Whatever though. I'm going to go lay down and call my fiance. Hopefully he'll answer & calm me down. I'm pretty upset over this. She can't just be happy. I made a freaking 81 in the class, and brought home a diploma! UGH!

HIATUS UNTIL I'M OVER THIS CRAP

2008-06-03T02:43:16Z

I'm pretty sure I have mono.
If it gets worse than this, I'm going to the doctor for a test.

Yeah...
I miss my baby.
But I'm okay now. :D
I slept off the initial sad phase of it, so we're good.

depressed

2008-06-01T20:13:56Z

he left today.
he wont be back off the mountain for another month.

-sigh-
i dont know what to do with myself right now.
i'm going to go sleep off this feeling.

"One More Day"

2008-06-01T19:54:53Z

Last Night I had a crazy dream
Wish was granted just for me,
It could be for anything
I didn't ask for money, or a mansion in Malibu
I simply wished for one more day with you

One more day, One more time
One more sunset maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again; I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

First thing I'd do is pray for time to crawl
I'd unplug the telephone, and keep the TV off
I'd hold you every second, say a million I Love Yous
Thats what I'd do, with one more day with you

One more day, One more time
One more sunset maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again; I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

-sigh- :(

2008-05-31T06:16:54Z

I miss you a fucking hell of a lot more than I should.
ugh.

ashykapowee @ 2008-05-30T14:20:00

2008-05-30T19:23:17Z

OK.. for those of you who saw my post last night... it was a false alarm.
the rings wont even be ready until tomorrow... and if he gets them tomorrow (which is the 1st for him, when they said they'd be ready) he may not get to ship them out until the 2nd (the 1st for me). BUT.. we dunno if FedEx is open on Sundays over there.

I guess we'll see.
If not, then I have to wait another month cause he leaves to go sit on a mountain for a month in like.. 2 days.
UGH!

THANKS FOR THE ADVICE THOUGH! :]

HELLLLP MEEEE!!!!

2008-05-30T03:44:48Z

HELP MEEE!
I can't decide whether I want to see my rings in the early morning when Ray gets them, before he sends them off... or if I want to just wait until they get here.

If I do it tonight, he can see a decent reaction.
If I wait until they get here, he'll already be gone for the month and wont be able to see me open them.

I CAN'T DECIDE!
this is urgent!
lol
HE REALLY WANTS TO SHOW MEEEE!

I need an answer within the next, oh say, 2.5 hours.
HELP!HELP!HELP!HELP!HELP!

OW!

2008-05-29T03:37:46Z

i just dropped a plastic bowl on my ankle.. like.. the front where your leg meets the top of your foot.
that bowl was freaking heavy!
and hard...

that's gonna leave a mark..

HEY RAY!
hurry up & get off work!
:D

I love my best friend...

2008-05-29T01:37:49Z

"RayRayHeyman sat on a moun-tan
testing ray dee ohs
fellas don't get jealous
it is hard to do
WHOO!"

lmaooo
she's psycho.